Over three years ago my husband accepted a job in Chicago.  At first I thought that was a really unfortunate twist of fate for him to have to leave our great life in the Los Angeles suburbs to live in a state with snow.  That little fantasy thought came and went quickly!  Our “vacation” in Chicago only lasted a year, but during that time one of my old LA neighbors said to me that it’s hard for her to drive past my house because there was a grey cloud over it.  That’s how I feel now that one of my neighbors has taken the plunge to move out of state.

My friend was my neighbor right next door.  We moved into our new homes at the same time.  We shared home builder problems, holidays, life, death, “discussions” with our husbands, thoughts on raising kids, recipes…  She taught me how to make ribs and breakfast muffins.  She assured me that IT REALLY DOES MATTER that every Christmas present needs to wrapped in coordinating paper with huge bows.  She spent the day doing touch ups of paint in my bedroom while I sat on my bed paying bills because I had totally forgotten.  She “made” me go to the berry farm to pick berries (in heels) because she was quite sure my children shouldn’t be eating processed jelly and I needed to can a years worth.  She helped me lift my dog into a wheelbarrow when he was sick so we could transport him into the back of her car and drive him to the vet.  He died the next day.  (Our husbands were out of town.)  She showed up at my door with soup when I was sick AND took my kids so I could sleep.  But most of all, she was always willing to share a diet coke at any time of day!  Now every mom out there knows that none of these things are that big of a deal…but the loss of your “go to” friend is huge.  It takes a long time to cultivate this bond and with her it came so easily.

As time went on, I moved away and then moved back, but down the street.  My boys became boys and her girls became girls - so our paths didn’t cross as much.  Suddenly we were both running in different directions.  She started a business and then I started a business.  We kept saying we wanted to go to lunch and it never happened.  Blah, blah, blah…we all know how this story goes.  But then, one day she called to say she was moving.  A piece of my heart died right then and there.  Flashes of all we’d done and the time we spent together started rushing through my head.  What???  Wait!!!!  But we never had lunch!!!!  Something’s not right in the world and I needed to sit down and have a drink.  Good-byes never sit well with me.  Well, fast forward to today.  I just got an email from her and she’s doing fine.  I think the fact that you can buy so much more house for your money in almost any other state has temporarily taken the sting out of moving for her.

Oddly, I know of the family that rented her house, but somehow it doesn’t matter.  I’m a little resentful that anyone would try to occupy that space.  I didn’t realize how much you assume there is warmth in the home of your friends.  When I drive by her home now it seems all wrong.  I finally understand what my friend meant when she said there’s a grey cloud over my home, because now I see a grey cloud over my friend’s house.  It’s no longer a home, but a house with an address, 25623 Trent Way.  I don’t assume it’s filled with girls giggling, amazing smells from her cooking, or perfectly eye-pleasing rooms filled with all the trinkets and treasures we’d purchased and created.

As much as I love change, it’s really difficult for me to accept.  If and when she comes back to LA for good, I’m going to make sure I hold on real tight and put that lunch date in ink! 

Well, I guess you could say that I finished my list.  OK, I didn’t really finish it…but I did make progress in every area.  My 6 item list (and there can only be 6 items according to my self-help book) included:

gym, blog, clean house, deliver pillows, make focaccia bread and bake cookies. 

Here’s what really happened:

I was successful at going to the gym, blogging and making focaccia bread…but then trouble set in.  I had decisions to make - BIG DECISIONS, like my youngest son wants to make cookies with me and my oldest son wants banana bread.  What to do, what to do???  It’s been too hot to make cookies after school, so I guess I’m going to make banana bread.  That means I can’t officially cross cookies off the list…or can I?????  Next, I did a cursory clean of the house; meaning I spent about 15 moving “stuff” from room to room.  Is that enough to cross this off the list….maybe just cross off clean but not house.   Finally, drop off fabric to Joyce for pillows.  Well, I moved the fabric into the car but never made it to her house.  I didn’t even as much as call her to tell her I was coming.  Hmmmm.  This one’s tough.  I really need to see this one to fruition as I’ve been sitting on this project for months.  I had a plan, then I changed the plan, then I changed back to the original plan only to realize I didn’t have enough material to recover the entire set of pillows on the outdoor furniture, then I went on vacation, then I misplaced the material…  Same story - different topic!  When does it end?  It’s still in my car!

I’ll try again tomorrow with a new list!  There’s always tomorrow!