I think we all need to practice what we preach onto ourselves.  Does that make sense? 

Here’s the thing, I’m a HUGE believer in handing out compliments.  Not just for the sake of sucking up to anyone - OH NO!  But, for example, if you see someone that looks like they lost weight, tell them; if you notice something super cute on a stranger, tell them; look at the person at the drive-through and smile; hug your husband and kids extra tight; …  My whole philosophy is if you can make someone smile for no money at all - do it!  It’s free!  We’re in a recession and doing things for free is trendy, right?

Anyway, my story goes that yesterday I was feeling a little down on myself.  My family is taking a much anticipated trip to Hawaii in April and I really need to get in shape.  My arms are jiggling and my cellulite is more than noticeable.  There will be pictures of me in a bikini in 3 months so I have no time to waste.  My plan was to join a new Pilates studio in my neighborhood and look like Jennifer Aniston in 6 weeks. 

OK, so yesterday I allowed someone to make me feel a little down.  Well, not just a little down - but a whole lot down.  They said it and I allowed it.  Instead of being my own cheerleader (as I happily am for everyone else), I took the comments as an attack and couldn’t pull myself out of it.  I just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep - but who can do that?  I have two kids.  My two BFFs said all the right things to bring me up, but I just assumed that they have to say that.  That’s their job. 

But then this morning, in the pouring rain, I walked into Pilates class and the instructor asked me if I knew Leila (someone who was on the reformer next to me last week).  I have no idea who Leila is because when I work out I am in my own zone…not looking at anyone and quite honestly, hoping nobody is looking at me.  Leila asked the instructor who I was and commented on my super cute mom body.  Stop!  Ta Da!  My world changed from cloudy to sunshine!  I think I even heard angels singing.  First of all, I dwelled on the “mom body” part for a minute, and then I allowed myself to be completely picked up and out of my blue zone.  Snap!  Just like that I was happy!  A complete stranger who wasn’t even there at the time made my day.  Her one little comment changed everything for me. 

This is why I’m a strong believer in freely giving compliments!  You just never know how powerful your words can be.  Thank you, Leila…whomever you are!

Over three years ago my husband accepted a job in Chicago.  At first I thought that was a really unfortunate twist of fate for him to have to leave our great life in the Los Angeles suburbs to live in a state with snow.  That little fantasy thought came and went quickly!  Our “vacation” in Chicago only lasted a year, but during that time one of my old LA neighbors said to me that it’s hard for her to drive past my house because there was a grey cloud over it.  That’s how I feel now that one of my neighbors has taken the plunge to move out of state.

My friend was my neighbor right next door.  We moved into our new homes at the same time.  We shared home builder problems, holidays, life, death, “discussions” with our husbands, thoughts on raising kids, recipes…  She taught me how to make ribs and breakfast muffins.  She assured me that IT REALLY DOES MATTER that every Christmas present needs to wrapped in coordinating paper with huge bows.  She spent the day doing touch ups of paint in my bedroom while I sat on my bed paying bills because I had totally forgotten.  She “made” me go to the berry farm to pick berries (in heels) because she was quite sure my children shouldn’t be eating processed jelly and I needed to can a years worth.  She helped me lift my dog into a wheelbarrow when he was sick so we could transport him into the back of her car and drive him to the vet.  He died the next day.  (Our husbands were out of town.)  She showed up at my door with soup when I was sick AND took my kids so I could sleep.  But most of all, she was always willing to share a diet coke at any time of day!  Now every mom out there knows that none of these things are that big of a deal…but the loss of your “go to” friend is huge.  It takes a long time to cultivate this bond and with her it came so easily.

As time went on, I moved away and then moved back, but down the street.  My boys became boys and her girls became girls - so our paths didn’t cross as much.  Suddenly we were both running in different directions.  She started a business and then I started a business.  We kept saying we wanted to go to lunch and it never happened.  Blah, blah, blah…we all know how this story goes.  But then, one day she called to say she was moving.  A piece of my heart died right then and there.  Flashes of all we’d done and the time we spent together started rushing through my head.  What???  Wait!!!!  But we never had lunch!!!!  Something’s not right in the world and I needed to sit down and have a drink.  Good-byes never sit well with me.  Well, fast forward to today.  I just got an email from her and she’s doing fine.  I think the fact that you can buy so much more house for your money in almost any other state has temporarily taken the sting out of moving for her.

Oddly, I know of the family that rented her house, but somehow it doesn’t matter.  I’m a little resentful that anyone would try to occupy that space.  I didn’t realize how much you assume there is warmth in the home of your friends.  When I drive by her home now it seems all wrong.  I finally understand what my friend meant when she said there’s a grey cloud over my home, because now I see a grey cloud over my friend’s house.  It’s no longer a home, but a house with an address, 25623 Trent Way.  I don’t assume it’s filled with girls giggling, amazing smells from her cooking, or perfectly eye-pleasing rooms filled with all the trinkets and treasures we’d purchased and created.

As much as I love change, it’s really difficult for me to accept.  If and when she comes back to LA for good, I’m going to make sure I hold on real tight and put that lunch date in ink!