This one’s much easier said than done.

Super Mommy Tip:  Spend quality time with each child independently.

I did this over the summer and I can’t tell you how connected it made me feel.  As you know, both boys were gone for extended periods of time.  I knew I wanted to take advantage of this time with the son who was staying home.  I wanted to make it a big deal…something memorable.  I wanted it to be time we spent exploring and having new experiences, not just the two of us having lunch out, going to the bookstore or playing games.  We can do that any day.  It needed to be big!  The stuff memories are built on.  But here’s the thing - it can’t cost lots of money!  Like everyone else in this country, we’re trying to stretch our dollars too.

Here’s what I came up with:  With my little guy, we went to Las Vegas to visit my recently retired mom.  It takes a tank of gas to get there and it was free to stay at her house.  Trey and I took in all the sights.  There are so many free things to do and see there with children.  We even got free tickets to the Mac King Comedy Show.  (Well, they said they were free but we were both required to pay for a mandatory $11 soda).  It was the best soda ever AND THE BEST SHOW.  We really enjoyed it!  We kept going from morning til night.  When our heads hit the pillows, we were exhausted!  The best part of all of it was that I didn’t have to worry about anyone or anything else - just Trey and the fun we were having. 

 As for Ty, we went to San Francisco.  My husband is there one week per month on business.  He usually flies there, but because we were coming, we thought we’d take advantage and drive the route that goes up the coast along PCH.  Everyone has always told me what a beautiful drive it is, but who really wants to take the long way with little kids in the back seat.  So, since Ty is older, we thought we’d finally do it!  Quite honestly, it was a little too scenic for me.  There was a point when my husband and I looked at each other and wondered if we were really in CA.  All these fields and farms looked more like Mayberry than the outskirts of Los Angeles.  Once we arrived in San Francisco, we were ready to go.  We were freezing (temps in the 50’s and 60’s).  There were so many options.  We ended up seeing the Fisherman’s Wharf, Chinatown, Little Italy, Ghiradelli’s,  taking a duck tour and a segway tour.  It was so much fun!  Not only were the experiences fun, but I think my favorite part was the road trip part.  Ty and I drove back home for 5 hours in the car together.  His co-pilot skills were lacking - but he’s learning.  The best part is that I had his undivided teenage attention.  You can discover so much in five hours - even when it’s your child.  Sometimes, in these moments, you really can come to understand “stuff” about them and they come to understand “stuff” about you.   

I find it so hard to be present, yet so necessary with the boys.  This time I spent bonding was the best time I’ve spent all summer.  Yes, it did end up costing some money, but as far as I was concerned, it was money well spent!  There will never be another Summer, 2009 and I’m glad mine turned out the way it did!

Today’s tip always sounds good, but when it gets down to it - it’s the hardest thing ever:

Sunday’s Super Mommy Tip:  Let them go!

I’m not talking about off to college.  I’m talking about letting them gain some independence when they’re young with sleep-aways!  Both my boys left me for a week this summer.  My oldest went to sleep-away camp on Catalina Island with his friends and my youngest spent 8 days in AZ with his Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents.  While this all sounded like a great idea when the plans were in the works, I’ve learned it’s much easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk! 

 Here’s the thing - they both had growing experiences that wouldn’t have been possible if I were there.  In my testosterone filled world, I cater to my little kings.  I know I can go overboard with this.  I’m sure if I had a daughter or two, my boys would be more self-sufficient - but I don’t have a daughter or two.  I often wonder if I’m ruining it for their future wives.  While they’re not momma’s boys at all, they don’t step foot in a mall or the grocery store.  They don’t know what it’s like to have girly-girl sisters, pink clothes draped everywhere, their toes painted or how to play house.  Miley Cyrus, High School Musical or the Jonas Brothers - who are they?  They’re not particularly crafty and cooking is something their mom does.  The point is - I didn’t know how they’d do on their own.  What if their clothes don’t match? They don’t brush their teeth? They don’t eat enough fruit? They want the special OJ that I buy? They hurt themselves?

I’m proud (and a little sad) to say that they squashed all my concerns.  They really didn’t need me.  Somehow, they managed perfectly all by themselves.  Could they do it for a much longer period?  Probably not.  But I swear to you, they came back home a little bit more mature.  I could see it in their eyes.  My 14-year-old came back and gave me a big hug and told me he missed me.  I could feel in his hug that he was happy to be home.  My little guy called me from Arizona and asked me to pick him up early (8 days was his max).  He was starting to get homesick.  So, of course, I happily rushed to his side (if you call rushing a 6-hour road-trip).

My point is that sometimes to be a Super Mommy, you have to let them go.  It’s hard, but what they’ve gained is priceless.  That’s not to say that I wasn’t just an eensy weensy bit happy that they both independently said they were done with everyone and everything else and just wanted to be home with me!

And by the way - their clothes didn’t match (I saw the pictures), my oldest didn’t brush his teeth enough on his camping trip, they didn’t eat as much fruit as I ensure, neither of them had their special morning OJ and they both came home with band-aids.  Much to my surprise, it didn’t matter one bit!

While you would think that doing something special with our kids would come naturally, for some reason, this isn’t always the case.  We all have these great intentions.  I had visions of frolicking around happily in the fields with my boys eating ice cream and giggling until our stomachs hurt.  Then we’d sit, talk, play board games and look at our watches and wonder where the day went.  OK, well sometimes I can be a little delusional.  I live in Los Angeles, where there are no fields.  You can drive to fields but you may also encounter rattle snakes and various outdoor creatures.  I don’t necessarily like creatures.  In addition, I don’t walk well in wedges in the fields.  I’ve never tried it, but I’m quite sure that I won’t like it.  So, anyway, this is how I end up way off track.  I think one commitment per week to be Super Mommy is ambitious for me.  Something out of the norm.  Something that my boys will remember.  I’ve told myself that it doesn’t have to be elaborate, just an activity that keeps us talking, promotes bonding, makes them feel special and is all about them.  Time is racing by and I want to hold on to every moment.  I’m a little obsessive about their childhood and what I’m providing.  I realize every day that I have one shot at providing them a good childhood and I want to be responsible with my part in it.  And just in case they may forget what a fabulous mom I am, I’m going to document it with pictures!  I’m just building my case so that when they’re in therapy later, I have pictures to prove their memories wrong!  So, here we go:

Sunday’s Super Mommy Tip:  Do something unexpected and out of the ordinary that makes them giggle!

Here’s the thing, I really don’t like water.  I don’t like the way it gets in my nose.  I don’t like the way it makes my skin feel.  I’m working really hard to avoid the whole “pruning” effect on my skin.  Why would I soak in water and allow that to happen?  I don’t like the feeling of not being able to touch the bottom.  Why should I float?  It takes work!  I don’t want to open my eyes under water.  I wear contacts!  I think everyone should see water for it’s real purpose, to cool you off when you’re hot.  You simply need to walk in and walk out.  Now, I don’t hate water, but I’m not one who loves to be in the pool.  I’m much better on the chair next to the pool with a diet coke, a book and a phone. 

My boys learned to swim by the time they were 3.  They had to.  We live in Southern California, where everyone has a pool in their backyard.  While this sounds like a luxury, it’s also the biggest danger and fear in every mother.  In a split second, a toddler could walk outside and….you know the rest.  So, once they were water safe, I mentioned to them that mommies don’t get wet.  My boys bought into this hook, line and sinker.  After all, all my friends are the same way.  As long as my kids have known, mommies are outside to watch you and get you snacks, towels, drinks, pool toys, the ball that missed the net and went into the yard….stuff like that.  The real water playmates are their friends.  With all that being said, my boys still love the pool.  They’ve accepted the fact that mommies don’t get wet - until one day one super mommy jumped into the pool with her clothes on…just to be silly!  What is she thinking?  All the other mommies gasped in horror.  She’s broken the Mommy Code!  From this day forward, all the kids were talking about how funny it was when Miss E jumped into the pool.  Are you kidding me?  Everyone knows that I’m the funny mom.  I’m the one that does fun things!  Wait a second - she jumps into the pool one time and she’s the new reigning Queen of Fun.  This is an outrage!  So what did I do?  I jumped into the pool.  I gave myself a few days to gear up for it.  And I’m not going in with my clothes on, but I did it!  I jumped in, holding the hand of my 8-year-old.  Guess what?  It wasn’t that bad.  I still don’t have a love of water, but I really did love the way it made my boys laugh.  This little 15 second stunt carried all the way over until dinner, when they told their dad what I had done.  Even my husband was surprised.  So, there you have it - my Super Mommy Tip of the week!  In the end, I’m so happy I made them laugh, but I’m still going to let my husband win at World’s Best, Most Fun Pool Parent.  He’s worked hard at that title and I wouldn’t want to take it from him.  :)