This one’s much easier said than done.

Super Mommy Tip:  Spend quality time with each child independently.

I did this over the summer and I can’t tell you how connected it made me feel.  As you know, both boys were gone for extended periods of time.  I knew I wanted to take advantage of this time with the son who was staying home.  I wanted to make it a big deal…something memorable.  I wanted it to be time we spent exploring and having new experiences, not just the two of us having lunch out, going to the bookstore or playing games.  We can do that any day.  It needed to be big!  The stuff memories are built on.  But here’s the thing - it can’t cost lots of money!  Like everyone else in this country, we’re trying to stretch our dollars too.

Here’s what I came up with:  With my little guy, we went to Las Vegas to visit my recently retired mom.  It takes a tank of gas to get there and it was free to stay at her house.  Trey and I took in all the sights.  There are so many free things to do and see there with children.  We even got free tickets to the Mac King Comedy Show.  (Well, they said they were free but we were both required to pay for a mandatory $11 soda).  It was the best soda ever AND THE BEST SHOW.  We really enjoyed it!  We kept going from morning til night.  When our heads hit the pillows, we were exhausted!  The best part of all of it was that I didn’t have to worry about anyone or anything else - just Trey and the fun we were having. 

 As for Ty, we went to San Francisco.  My husband is there one week per month on business.  He usually flies there, but because we were coming, we thought we’d take advantage and drive the route that goes up the coast along PCH.  Everyone has always told me what a beautiful drive it is, but who really wants to take the long way with little kids in the back seat.  So, since Ty is older, we thought we’d finally do it!  Quite honestly, it was a little too scenic for me.  There was a point when my husband and I looked at each other and wondered if we were really in CA.  All these fields and farms looked more like Mayberry than the outskirts of Los Angeles.  Once we arrived in San Francisco, we were ready to go.  We were freezing (temps in the 50’s and 60’s).  There were so many options.  We ended up seeing the Fisherman’s Wharf, Chinatown, Little Italy, Ghiradelli’s,  taking a duck tour and a segway tour.  It was so much fun!  Not only were the experiences fun, but I think my favorite part was the road trip part.  Ty and I drove back home for 5 hours in the car together.  His co-pilot skills were lacking - but he’s learning.  The best part is that I had his undivided teenage attention.  You can discover so much in five hours - even when it’s your child.  Sometimes, in these moments, you really can come to understand “stuff” about them and they come to understand “stuff” about you.   

I find it so hard to be present, yet so necessary with the boys.  This time I spent bonding was the best time I’ve spent all summer.  Yes, it did end up costing some money, but as far as I was concerned, it was money well spent!  There will never be another Summer, 2009 and I’m glad mine turned out the way it did!

You know the mommies who are super competitive but you’re not sure why.  The ones who think their little angels are all that.  The ones who have no identity outside of their childrens’ accomplishments.  The ones that believe they should have halos surrounding their heads because they seem to keep it all together while the rest of us are just fumbling idiots!  The ones who are SOOOOO busy with their two children because they’re so important, yet I have two children and seem to find the time.  The ones that like to point out that their lives have so much meaning because they have a full calendar while the rest of us are nothing.  I have a couple of those in my world and it drives me insane! 

 Every now and then it just rubs me the wrong way.  I don’t know why I’m so sensitive to it.  I do believe that each child is an individual and that children go through cycles of success.  Sometimes my boys achieve in areas and sometimes they don’t.  I do know at the end of the day, when they go out into the world, when all my parenting comes to a halt, my boys will be kind, caring, successful, goal-oriented, productive men. 

I shake my head at these moms who believe their children will be great based on their Little League accomplishments at 6 years old.  These are the same moms who indulge their children in $300 bats because for some reason they think this message of expensive bats = important children is meaningful.  These are the same moms who have taught their children that expensive clothes make them important, as well as having all the current tech equipment.  I cringe when I hear the stories.  I cringe when I think that parents project their own insecurities onto their kids.  I know we all create little mini me’s, but some people need to learn what character traits to avoid bringing forward.  In this day and age of financial unrest, this should be a crime.  Seriously!

Don’t get me wrong.  I think it’s great to be able to provide for your children if you can.  It’s great, as long as you don’t attach unrealistic labels to the physical possessions.  It’s just funny that the people who can’t afford it are most often the people who do.  In other words, some people buy their children the latest and greatest yet they’re having financial problems and haven’t taken a vacation in years.  Good thing they have that $300 bat and that $700 laptop!  I really hope my boys grow up being proud of who they are rather than what they’ve had.  I think we’ve all learned during this recession that sometimes the people who appear to have the most, really truly have the least.  I think the Universe has created a time for parents to teach their children what’s important in life - and it’s not money!

I’m sure I commit my fair share of parenting faux paus, but I will not raise children who think I have therefore I am.  What’s going to happen to their egos when they don’t have for whatever reason?  I try to teach my children that we’re lucky to have what we have.  We’re lucky that I get to stay home with them and that is really the greatest gift my husband and I could ever give to them.  They know my husband has to work hard to provide for them in this manner and sometimes it requires my husband to travel and be away from us.  It forces us to appreciate all the time we have together because we get a flavor of what it’s like to be without a family member.  My boys don’t care if their clothes have designer labels or Wal-Mart labels.  They typically don’t want to eat in restaurants and would much rather sit down at our kitchen table and screw around with us while they’re eating.  Going on a bike ride or going to the beach is just as much fun as Disneyland.  I really do believe that it’s our social responsibility to teach our children right from wrong.

Thanks for letting me vent!  I needed to share!

Today’s tip always sounds good, but when it gets down to it - it’s the hardest thing ever:

Sunday’s Super Mommy Tip:  Let them go!

I’m not talking about off to college.  I’m talking about letting them gain some independence when they’re young with sleep-aways!  Both my boys left me for a week this summer.  My oldest went to sleep-away camp on Catalina Island with his friends and my youngest spent 8 days in AZ with his Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents.  While this all sounded like a great idea when the plans were in the works, I’ve learned it’s much easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk! 

 Here’s the thing - they both had growing experiences that wouldn’t have been possible if I were there.  In my testosterone filled world, I cater to my little kings.  I know I can go overboard with this.  I’m sure if I had a daughter or two, my boys would be more self-sufficient - but I don’t have a daughter or two.  I often wonder if I’m ruining it for their future wives.  While they’re not momma’s boys at all, they don’t step foot in a mall or the grocery store.  They don’t know what it’s like to have girly-girl sisters, pink clothes draped everywhere, their toes painted or how to play house.  Miley Cyrus, High School Musical or the Jonas Brothers - who are they?  They’re not particularly crafty and cooking is something their mom does.  The point is - I didn’t know how they’d do on their own.  What if their clothes don’t match? They don’t brush their teeth? They don’t eat enough fruit? They want the special OJ that I buy? They hurt themselves?

I’m proud (and a little sad) to say that they squashed all my concerns.  They really didn’t need me.  Somehow, they managed perfectly all by themselves.  Could they do it for a much longer period?  Probably not.  But I swear to you, they came back home a little bit more mature.  I could see it in their eyes.  My 14-year-old came back and gave me a big hug and told me he missed me.  I could feel in his hug that he was happy to be home.  My little guy called me from Arizona and asked me to pick him up early (8 days was his max).  He was starting to get homesick.  So, of course, I happily rushed to his side (if you call rushing a 6-hour road-trip).

My point is that sometimes to be a Super Mommy, you have to let them go.  It’s hard, but what they’ve gained is priceless.  That’s not to say that I wasn’t just an eensy weensy bit happy that they both independently said they were done with everyone and everything else and just wanted to be home with me!

And by the way - their clothes didn’t match (I saw the pictures), my oldest didn’t brush his teeth enough on his camping trip, they didn’t eat as much fruit as I ensure, neither of them had their special morning OJ and they both came home with band-aids.  Much to my surprise, it didn’t matter one bit!

While you would think that doing something special with our kids would come naturally, for some reason, this isn’t always the case.  We all have these great intentions.  I had visions of frolicking around happily in the fields with my boys eating ice cream and giggling until our stomachs hurt.  Then we’d sit, talk, play board games and look at our watches and wonder where the day went.  OK, well sometimes I can be a little delusional.  I live in Los Angeles, where there are no fields.  You can drive to fields but you may also encounter rattle snakes and various outdoor creatures.  I don’t necessarily like creatures.  In addition, I don’t walk well in wedges in the fields.  I’ve never tried it, but I’m quite sure that I won’t like it.  So, anyway, this is how I end up way off track.  I think one commitment per week to be Super Mommy is ambitious for me.  Something out of the norm.  Something that my boys will remember.  I’ve told myself that it doesn’t have to be elaborate, just an activity that keeps us talking, promotes bonding, makes them feel special and is all about them.  Time is racing by and I want to hold on to every moment.  I’m a little obsessive about their childhood and what I’m providing.  I realize every day that I have one shot at providing them a good childhood and I want to be responsible with my part in it.  And just in case they may forget what a fabulous mom I am, I’m going to document it with pictures!  I’m just building my case so that when they’re in therapy later, I have pictures to prove their memories wrong!  So, here we go:

Sunday’s Super Mommy Tip:  Do something unexpected and out of the ordinary that makes them giggle!

Here’s the thing, I really don’t like water.  I don’t like the way it gets in my nose.  I don’t like the way it makes my skin feel.  I’m working really hard to avoid the whole “pruning” effect on my skin.  Why would I soak in water and allow that to happen?  I don’t like the feeling of not being able to touch the bottom.  Why should I float?  It takes work!  I don’t want to open my eyes under water.  I wear contacts!  I think everyone should see water for it’s real purpose, to cool you off when you’re hot.  You simply need to walk in and walk out.  Now, I don’t hate water, but I’m not one who loves to be in the pool.  I’m much better on the chair next to the pool with a diet coke, a book and a phone. 

My boys learned to swim by the time they were 3.  They had to.  We live in Southern California, where everyone has a pool in their backyard.  While this sounds like a luxury, it’s also the biggest danger and fear in every mother.  In a split second, a toddler could walk outside and….you know the rest.  So, once they were water safe, I mentioned to them that mommies don’t get wet.  My boys bought into this hook, line and sinker.  After all, all my friends are the same way.  As long as my kids have known, mommies are outside to watch you and get you snacks, towels, drinks, pool toys, the ball that missed the net and went into the yard….stuff like that.  The real water playmates are their friends.  With all that being said, my boys still love the pool.  They’ve accepted the fact that mommies don’t get wet - until one day one super mommy jumped into the pool with her clothes on…just to be silly!  What is she thinking?  All the other mommies gasped in horror.  She’s broken the Mommy Code!  From this day forward, all the kids were talking about how funny it was when Miss E jumped into the pool.  Are you kidding me?  Everyone knows that I’m the funny mom.  I’m the one that does fun things!  Wait a second - she jumps into the pool one time and she’s the new reigning Queen of Fun.  This is an outrage!  So what did I do?  I jumped into the pool.  I gave myself a few days to gear up for it.  And I’m not going in with my clothes on, but I did it!  I jumped in, holding the hand of my 8-year-old.  Guess what?  It wasn’t that bad.  I still don’t have a love of water, but I really did love the way it made my boys laugh.  This little 15 second stunt carried all the way over until dinner, when they told their dad what I had done.  Even my husband was surprised.  So, there you have it - my Super Mommy Tip of the week!  In the end, I’m so happy I made them laugh, but I’m still going to let my husband win at World’s Best, Most Fun Pool Parent.  He’s worked hard at that title and I wouldn’t want to take it from him.  :) 

I’ve been a gym rat my entire adult life so I consider myself an expert someone who’s seen their fair share of instructors and classes.  I’ve been through high impact, step, spin, Pilates and yoga…but this instructor rises high above all others.

Her look is part of the trick.  She’s a tiny, petite, tan, cute, blond, soft-spoken and fully clothed girl.  She’s hiding her inner powerhouse under those clothes and I am so on to her now!  Who knew the torture I was about to endure?  Who knew I would wake up in pain for the next 3 days?  She was almost like a pitbull in a Yorkshire terrior costume.  (BTW, I’m not a dog lover.) 

As usual, I walk into class to meet my friend, J, who’s always punctual.  She has our “stuff” all set up.  I look lovingly at the spin class that’s about to begin in the studio next door and a small tear rolls down my face, but I realize that I must stand firmly planted in this class.  I need to build muscle.  I’m a weakling!  I’ve read that muscles begin wasting away as you age.  (It’s a good thing I’m not aging or I’d really be concerned.)

 So class begins slowly.  A nice easy warm up.  Nothing unusual.  But then, hell froze over and we were in plank.  While plank is not easy for me in the first place, it’s really not easy to hold it while jumping our feet together (in and out), and then going right elbow, left elbow, right hand, left hand, and then balancing on the bosu ball and rocking left to right.  Yes, you heard me - all while in plank.  Just when we thought it was over, she told us to do another set and then ANOTHER SET.  Really?  I kidd you not!!!!  And here’s the thing - she was doing it with us just to prove that it could be done.

 The class didn’t end there.  Oh no!  That was just the first 15 minutes of torture.  We still had 45 minutes more and she wasn’t even breaking a sweat!  I think in some countries this is illegal!  After this we had to jump onto a platform, jump over six steps (jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump) and then do some crazy overhead press squat combo.  This girl doesn’t stop.  I wanted to run into the corner and cry. 

 I did look out the window on several occasions and wish I was in the psycho cycle class.  Cycle class is for babies compared to this.  How was I going to walk out of here without anyone noticing?  How was I going to walk down the steps to my car?  How was I going to make dinner?  How was I going to survive this?  Quite simply - I made a pact with myself.  As soon as my body looks like Lynette’s, I’m going to quit the gym and save myself $75/month.  I’m giving myself until Labor Day to lose 5 pounds and have a fraction of the definition she has.  I’ll keep you posted.

And then to make matters worse, she has two kids, ages 2 & 3.  Sometimes life isn’t fair!

No matter who you are or where you live or how old you may be, you have an opinion on Michael Jackson.  Even if your opinion is that I don’t really have an opinion, you know of him and have come up with a conclusion.  I’ve never thought of myself as a huge Michael Jackson fan, but I do know that as the media has played his many many many hits over the last week, his voice brings back a trillion happy memories for me. 

I was in high school when Thriller came out.  OMG!   Who doesn’t remember singing along to PYT with your Farrah Fawcett hair?  Listening to his music could bring me to tears and make me laugh hysterically at the same time.  Here are my realizations:

1.  How did so much time pass by and I still look the same…haven’t aged a bit?

2.  Where are all those friends that sang along with me in our cars, using our hands as microphones as we belted out one song after another?

3.  This is the most important one - how could an entire country be forever changed by one man, yet force him to live in isolation and then ridicule him for being strange?

michael-jackson-001.jpg

His death really makes me think.  It makes me sad for us as a whole.  Maybe living in LA makes me somewhat tainted because I do see what celebrities go through.  As my family drove out to Neverland Ranch over the holiday weekend, it made me realize what a spectator sport being a celebrity has become.  Neverland Ranch is truly in the middle of nowhere.  You wouldn’t have even known it was there if you wouldn’t have googled it. 

As we drove and drove and drove, we passed a mom and pop grocery mart.  The kind of store that you never see in Los Angeles.  My husband asked if I thought Michael Jackson went there.  Are you kidding?  This poor man wasn’t allowed in the grocery store.  It would be too much work.  Can you imagine being Michael Jackson and walking through the store? 

Recently I saw video footage of Mickey Mouse in his hotel room entertaining his children.  While some may view this as a luxury, I think of it as sad.  He was stripped of his freedom.  But what blows my mind is that after we stripped him of every right that we enjoy, we then decided to ridicule him.  In a sense, he was bullied and society was the bullier!

So, while we pulled up to the media frenzy that was parked outside Neverland, I was sickened even more to find t-shirt vendors trying to make a buck off Michael’s death.  It wasn’t LA’s finest moment.  It’s all a little surreal.  Instead of being in awe of Neverland, I felt like it was his prison.  There were gates in front of gates.  You couldn’t even see the second set of gates from the street.  It was sad.  It’s sad that we lost an amazing artist, but even more sad to me is how we forced him to live his life.

What I’ve learned from all this is to be more gentle with people and not be so quick to make assumptions.  No matter who you are, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  You deserve the same basic rights as everyone else.  And when you give yourself to the world, you deserve to be celebrated!

When I told many of my friends that I was going to start a blog, the question they asked me every single time is “really? why?”.  Why?  Why was that always their answer?  Don’t they think I’m interesting?  Important?  Funny?  It took me over one year to finally cut out the time to learn how to do this and all they have to say is WHY?  Note to self - don’t tell my friends anything.  I say not to tell them things because now, as I sit down to write this, I realize that I want to write about them and they just may find out.  What I’ve learned very quickly is that blogging is for me, not them, and it’s best to keep your secret thoughts to yourself and the many strangers who may want to read them.  Now, I don’t want to sound like a friend-hater when actually I’m a friend-lover.  Without them, insanity would be looking me straight in the face.  It may be looking me in the face now, but at least it’s from a distance.

I wrote down nine nouns to describe who I am at my core.  I thought I needed to share

Mom - Enough said.  My boys are my life!  OK, now that’s a little dramatic but I just love being around them!  They’re delicious!

Super Wife Wannabe - I love my husband, the life we’ve built, and the love we share during the ups and the downs.

Gym Rat - It gives me a natural high.

Self-help Book-aholic - I’m a work in progress.  What can I say?

Diet Coke Lover - my drug of choice.  I love the sound it makes when I crack one open first thing in the morning.  I start to salivate.  And yes, there is a difference!

Great Friend - There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.  They’re all so perfect for me.  I love the crazy ones the best (they’re crazy but harmless).

Memory Maker - I’m driven in life to build strong happy memories for my boys during their childhood.

Queen of All Things Elf - I love love love my product.  It makes everyone so happy!

Bargain Hunter - While some people may laugh at this one, I’m not saying I’m cheap, I just like to buy expensive things at a lesser price.  Not only that, but I have a strange compulsion to tell my friends about deals.

And secretly, I’m an early bird with self-diagnosed adult ADD.  My thoughts are usually scrambled and if everyone could give me their information in 3 bullet points, I would greatly appreciate it.  Well, everyone except J because she’s the best story teller.

So, there I am.  Believe it or not, I’m all these things every day.  Please join me on my journey!  :)  Also, if I die soon and my husband doesn’t know what to write about me, please forward my nine nouns to him asap!